Sacred Relationships:
A Guide to Authentic Loving
by Daniel Raphael

Origin Press (1999) Softcover 188 pages US$15.95 ISBN 1-57983-001-3 BUY IT NOW "Sacred Relationships is a refreshing and genuine book -- one that may be an antidote to the psychobabble and easy answers to complex questions that characterize our era." --Gregory J.P. Godek, author of 1001 Ways To Be Romantic Other Reviews     Table of Contents

Practical wisdom for relationships in the '90s.
The key steps to finding -- and becoming -- a partner capable of authentic love.

In a sacred relationship, the partners are committed to fostering one another's spiritual growth as the primary purpose of their shared intimacy. This unusual book is for you if you're ready to see love and friendship as a sacred process -- as well as a practical challenge. this handy reference takes you step-by-step through the process of healing emotional wounds, and on to building healthy relationships based on emotional clarity and soul growth. Sacred Relationships is a tour-de-force guidebook for partners on the path, and for singles seeking to enter into relationships that really work -- this time!

Daniel Raphael teaches and counsels nationwide on sacred relationships and spiritual living. He is a father of three and a Vietnam veteran, and holds degrees in education, sociology, and metaphysics. He has been a student of The Urantia Book and of Unity teachings for more than 25 years.

PRESS RELEASE:

The Secret of a Successful Relationship?
Daily, Intentional Application of Relationship Skills and Practices

Relationships are above all a supremely practical challenge. They require careful and intentional application of specific relationship tools -- those special skills that build authentic loving and uncompromised trust. Starting with the essential practice of creating emotional safety, and moving on in steps from there, Sacred Relationships: A Guide to Authentic Loving (Origin Press, June 1999) offers all the techniques, skills, and inspiration that couples need to begin a daily sacred relationship practice -- and is an excellent preparation guidebook for singles as well.

Acclaimed as "authoritative and plaintalking" (NAPRA Review) and "an antidote to psychobabble and easy answers to complex questions" (Gregory Godek, author of 1001 Ways to be Romantic), Sacred Relationships is wise and realistic throughout.

"Relationships are destroyed when we make our partners feel emotionally unsafe," says author Daniel Raphael. "The skills and attitudes that make the other person feel safe are the very basis of trust -- and without trust, there is no hope for the partnership. When trust is broken, specific tools of forgiveness must be brought to bear, always a delicate and difficult process."

What behaviors destroy our sense of safety in relationship? Ask yourself the following questions. Does your partner:

• Interrupt you or close down while you are sharing intimate problems?
  
• Trivialize your feelings, rather than help you sort through them dispassionately?
  
• Try to "fix" you without your invitation?
  
• Betray your confidences with others?

According to relationship expert Daniel Raphael, these are just a few of the warning signs that your partner is violating your trust and creating an unhealthy relationship. In Sacred Relationships, Daniel reveals:

• Why you must first feel "emotionally safe" with someone before you can build trust.
  
• Steps for discerning whether your partner or potential mate is trustworthy.
  
• When the lack of trust becomes genuine grounds for divorce -- and when a relationship is retrievable.
  
• Why most discord is caused because partners’ expectations don’t match -- and how to create shared expectations.
  
• How a functional and healthy relationship can stimulate deep personal transformation.

In a sacred relationship, the partners are committed to fostering one another’s personal growth as the primary purpose of their shared intimacy. This practical guidebook reveals the key steps to building a sacred relationship that really works!

Daniel Raphael is a father of three, and he teaches and counsels on relationships nationwide. He holds degrees in education and sociology.

Reviews:

"If you are ready for a manual that reveals the key steps to authentic loving – this is the book! From the beginning steps on the spiritual path to creating, building, understanding and discovering our ideal partner, Raphael shows how our relationships can help us to evolve on our spiritual path. Sacred Relationships helps us in healing our emotional wounds and leads us co-creatively to building a strong foundation for a life that really works!"
-- Christine Nichols, Inside Journal

"Raphael, a long-time student of the Urantia Book and New Thought teachings, writes to the reader who feels ready to work for spiritual growth within a romantic love relationship. Authoritative and plain-talking, he introduces several requirements for building spiritually rewarding partnerships. By covering the basics of a spiritual path, his work encourages the embarking individual to confront foundational issues. Attention is directed toward challenges such as trust and honesty, healing and forgiveness, discernment and purposefulness. The content, which comprises a flexible and wise model for co-creating an evolving and authentic union, proves accessible and provocative. There is also a short addendum addressing relationships with children -- hopefully a tickler for what could be a welcome sequel."
-- NAPRA Review, Vol. 10, No. 2

Table of Contents

Introduction: The Challenge of Creating Sacred Relationships

Part I: Entering the Spiritual Path
1. Basics of Getting on the Path

The Premise: Our Infinite Spiritual Potential
A Key Question for Beginners
Basic Resources for the Spiritual Path
Factors That Can Inhibit Growth

2. Will: The Forgotten Well of Personal Power

The "I AM" Source of the Power of Will
The Central Role of Will
The Four Positions of Will
Universal Rules for the Expression of Will

3. Evolving Our Consciousness: Achieving the "I AM" State

The "Doing" State
The "Being" State
The "I AM" State

4. Problems: A Source of Soul Growth

Overcoming Negative Programming
The Purpose of Problems
Interpretations and Beliefs About Problems
Problems with Other People
The Problem with Ourselves
Overcoming the Problem with Ourselves
The Root of Our Problems: Unresolved Emotional Issues
What Is an Emotional Issue?
No Shortcuts!

Part II: Healing the Heart
5. Living Consciously in the Moment

Minding the Present
Healing Through Self-Observation
Linking Our Emotions with Memories
Working It Through

6. Overcoming Erroneous Beliefs

The Two Levels of the Mind
Indoctrination
Why Erroneous Beliefs Are So Hard to Remove
Removing and Replacing Erroneous Beliefs
Taking Action to Heal Ourselves
Goals of Healing

7. Getting to Forgiveness

The Profundity of Forgiveness
Why Forgive?
What to Forgive
Who Benefits from Forgiving?
When Do We Forgive and How Often?
Forgiveness and Toxic Memories
When Is Forgiveness Complete?
How to Forgive
Forgiving Ourselves
Receiving Forgiveness
Being Thankful for Forgiveness
Loving Action After Forgiving

8. Healing Co-Creatively

The Dawning of the Co-Creative Era
Divisions of the Healing Arts
Co-Creative Spiritual Healing
Angels as Healers

9. Learning to Love

Being Love(ing): Definition
Qualities of Being Love(ing)
Discernment Within Love
Basic Tools for Becoming Love(ing)
Estimating Our Progress
Love and Our Emotional Issues
Goals and Models for Being Love(ing)
Techniques of Masterful Loving

Part III: Creating Sacred Relationships
10. Making It Safe: The Ethics of Functional Relationships

Prerequisites to Making It Safe
Elements of a Safe Relationship Environment
Elements of an Unsafe Relationship Environment
Behaviors That Dishonor a Relationship
Balancing Intrusiveness and Distance
Make it Safe: The Ethics of Functional and Sacred Relationships
Coping with Changes in Relationship Safety
Relationship Maintenance: Expressing Appreciation

11. Building Sacred Trust

Trust Equals Being Safe
Primal Trust and Distrust
Distrust as a Key Result of Upbringing
The Basic Elements of Trust
Steps in Building Trust
The Belief in Reasonable Trust
Unwarranted Beliefs about Distrust
Removing Our Prejudicial Beliefs about Trust
Discerning Trustworthiness
Determining Your Boundaries of Trust
The Energy of Trust and Distrust
Maintenance of a Trusting Relationship

12. Understanding Pain and Disappointment in Relationships

Happiness in Relationships
Unhappiness in Relationships
Who Is Responsible for Happiness in Relationships?
Staying Present to the Relationship
Healing Relationship Unhappiness
Persistent Unhappiness in a Relationship
Fundamental Guidelines for Functional Relationships

13. Discovering and Living with Your Ideal Partner

"Conscious" and "Intentional" Defined
Functional Relationships Defined
Sacred Relationships Defined
An Illustration of the Sacred Relationship Process
Co-Creating Your Right and Perfect Sacred Relationship Partner

14. Relationship Paradigms

Exploring the Paradigms
Paradigm Scripts
A Closer Look at the Romantic Paradigm
Why We Fail in Our Roles

15. When the Sacred Relationship Ends

Excerpt from a Personal Letter to a Friend
The Sadness of Endings
The Joy of New Beginnings
Finding Our Next Partner
Questions and Answers

16. Qualities, Values, and Skills of Functional and Sacred Relationships

The Decision
Table of Relationship Qualities, Values, and Skills
Qualities
Values
Skills
Discerning Qualities, Values, and Skills
Self-Caring Is a Skill

Afterword: An Educational Continuum for Functional and Sacred Relationships

The Four "R"s of Basic Education
A Strategy for Intentional Relationship Training
A Developmental Continuum of Relationship Skill Training
Why Teach Functional Relationship Skills?

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Origin Press
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